As a result of watching too many Sylvester Stallone, Jackie Chan, Steven Seagal, and Kannada and Bollywood movies of the 'dishoom dishoom' variety (i.e. a movie entitled "AK 47"), I've come to enjoy horribly acted, zoom in zoom out action movies that is sure to involve explosives, anxiety-producing orchestral scores, and sexy, sexy cars/jungles (although I would rather vomit several times than sit through Rambo 4 again).
Super human strength, hyper masculinity, racial profiling, and female objectification are usually necessary components of the formula action B movie genre. A robotic body helps too. A die-hard feminist (haha get it?), these movies have always appealed to me, more so because I envisioned myself as the life-saving hero, wondering how the movie would be different if James Bond were a woman. A woman of color to boot. That’s right, I’d kick your ass all the way to next Tuesday, what, with my second degree yellow belt. I took karate for a couple of months in elementary school, but I was scared of my instructor so I stopped. Actually, that’s what I told everyone else. The real reason was that I couldn’t stand doing push-ups.
Inspired by these insipid films, I often created fantasy scenarios where I would be caught in the middle of disaster and, owing to the extensive database of action movie/disaster scenarios in my head, I would always wriggle my way to safety in these fantasies. Happy endings are Hollywood’s specialty, and a sad one certainly makes for a terrible Jean Claude van Dam movie.
In my scenarios, I purposefully left out the part where Admiring, Leggy, Brooding, Generally Misunderstood Sexy Lady saunters by, and I sweep her away in my gadget-tastic car/robot and we make love on a bed with satin sheets for hours. I didn't think about that much as a kid. My parents didn't even have "the talk" with me. I just got a book under my pillow, which I think was around 5th grade. At that point, I had a crush on a boy who picked his nose, and the most I fantasized about was him doing a Bollywood song and dance number on my lawn with a couple hundred backup dancers (Sidenote: I need that red dress that Madhuri wears in that video, and I HATE salman).
In my scenarios, I purposefully left out the part where Admiring, Leggy, Brooding, Generally Misunderstood Sexy Lady saunters by, and I sweep her away in my gadget-tastic car/robot and we make love on a bed with satin sheets for hours. I didn't think about that much as a kid. My parents didn't even have "the talk" with me. I just got a book under my pillow, which I think was around 5th grade. At that point, I had a crush on a boy who picked his nose, and the most I fantasized about was him doing a Bollywood song and dance number on my lawn with a couple hundred backup dancers (Sidenote: I need that red dress that Madhuri wears in that video, and I HATE salman).
Someday I will make a kickass action movie with female stars who aren’t stupid or annoying (it will be nothing like Charlie’s Angels because that movie is the equivalent of a frontal lobotomy, or at least I wish I’d had one before watching it).
P.S. If you haven’t watched Exit Wounds starring DMX and Steven Seagal, you are missing out. Put that shit on your Netflix queue, NOW.
7 comments:
You know...I actually envision similar action-movie scenarios. Sometimes I find myself trying to figure out in advance (in case something so far-fetched were to ever happen) what I'd do if I were to witness any number of things like thefts, having a gun pointed at me, or anything you could see in an action movie...always so cinematic. And then, of course, I imagine how I'd get out of it using other movie-based logic - like Jackie Chan's method of turning someone's handgun back on them (I think it was in Rush Hour...?). yeah...feelin it
i fully support your bid to make a non-stupid, female-centric action movie, especially if i can have a bit part (hint hint), haha
I do this same thing still, complete with segues into catchy dance tunes with backup dancers.
In my scenarios, Evan looks silly dancing to a Bollywood beat, but does it because we are in love and are about to go explode things. Ah, daydreams.
I never imagine myself in B-List movies. Rather, I imagine myself as MacGyver (or, MacGALver). He was pretty smart, stopping bombs with telephone speakers and making helicopters out of toothpicks and the like. I think if a female version of James Bond were to exist, she'd be more a MacGalver than Steven Segal. I DO think we need more girl action movies, though. Now, all we get are female X-Men.
I do not dream song and dance sequences. Mostly because I can't invent a love song on the spot like that!
Do not lump in James Bond with B action movies. Especially the newer ones. Really, in Bond film and literature the female is powerful. The reason Bond becomes such a womanizer is after he is betrayed by the first woman he loves. She is powerful as she convinces him to trust her, then betrays him. She affects the rest of his life and shapes his persona.
Plus, M, his boss is Judi Dench. The main producer of the movies is a woman, Barbara Broccoli. Fleming chose the name James Bond because he felt it was boring and provoked no emotion. While in Casino Royale, the woman's name is Vesper Lynd, which evokes a more powerful response. Women steer the franchise, not Bond. Well, you know, that and the Cold War.
Also, in the boooks his persona is completely different. He is neurotic and lacks confidence.
Ok, point taken, Arun. I didn't know that Bond was produced by a woman. Judi Dench is great, but M wasn't always played by a woman. Also, my desire to see more women in a starring role in an action movie is still valid.
I suppose i fulfill a lot of gender stereotypes by admitting that i don't share these daydreams and have no interest in action flicks... b-grade or otherwise. BUT! if you were to star in one i would definitely go see it. As for the Mausam Ka Jadoo video, I personally prefer the shades and bow tie on that puppy. I hate Salman too, but i have to say he looks a lot less meatheady in this one...
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