I got a bike!

and it's purple! But too bad biking around DC is TERRIFYING.

I shall bike to work everyday.

Also, who knew that the Lincoln statue was not the same thing as the Lincoln Memorial? I told Kabir he lived 4 blocks away from the Lincoln Memorial, when it was actually 22 blocks away from his building. Good thing no one ever trusts my sense of direction. Well, one person did. I told a tourist on the metro who was looking for the Washington Monument to get off at Judiciary Square on the red line, which is actually very far away from it...I figured that while he may curse me at first, he'd thank me later for adding years to his life by power-walking 3 miles to the monument.

I own a misleading and incomplete map of DC. Granted, I tore it out of the back of a Congressional Directory given to me at work (the only time I've ever used it), but still. I finally decided to invest in the inaugural edition map of the DC metro area with Obama' grinning proudly at the part in my hair (which I am sure will be my bald spot soon) at Safeway, where the cashier who rung me up basically said, "HEY YOU'RE NEW TO THIS CITY!", and everyone was like, "DAMN, WOMAN, WHO ISN'T?"

Exactly. My new status as a DC resident will never be a novelty.

The other day, I walked into an elevator in which lingered the effect of 50948730 cans of beans some farty asshole ate. It was the longest 2 flights of my life. Normally I would walk up the stairs, so I believe my lethargy that day was being punished by some higher, divine, gassy being.

Speaking of smelliness, I've been rationing my Altoids, which I bought the first day here, not only because they're mad expensive, but because I always seem to smell like coffee. ALWAYS. I think it's because I always spill some on my clothes. But I found out they have gelatin in them, which grosses me out. It seems kind of counter-intuitive to put horse hooves in your mouth as a breath freshener.